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Losing my brother

bereavement

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#1 Cagstrenty

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Posted 05 March 2017 - 01:26 pm

Hi , I found this site yesterday and thought someone might be able to help me, I have read all the very sad stories on here and feel that you are the only people who might understand how I feel so here goes.

My brother Paul who was 3 years younger than me and who had Downes Syndrome passed away in June 2016, as it was an unexplained death ( he had not been unwell, or so we thought), until the night before his death, he had to have a post-mortem, which in itself was distressing enough for us , it took until Friday of this week to get the results, although we were able to lay him to rest in July 2016, we could not register his death until we received the results.

He was taken to a local hospital ( he lived very happily in supported living in London) and was admitted at approx 9.30 pm after being in a@e for a couple of hours, I had seen him that day and he had been his normal self laughing and messing about but saying that he never usually told anyone if he was feeling unwell as he hated missing any of his activities, anyway I left him at 5.30 pm to go to my daughters before my long drive home to Dorset.

At 8.30 am I received a phone call from one of his support workers telling me he had been taken into hospital the night before and was still there, he had apparently gone downstairs an hour after I left and was crying with stomach pain! So they took him straight to a@ e.

At approx 11am I received a phone call from the hospital saying he was very ill and they would let me know of his progress, some hour later a doctor phoned to say he had gone into respiratory failure and had died, I drove to London and met a younger brother and we went to say our goodbyes as soon as I saw him I knew it was sepsis but have had to wait nearly 9 months for the official conclusion.

Apparently he was healthy in every way although he was obese and had very low white blood cell count which was discovered a couple of years before but when we went to talk to the doctors who had treated him that day , they seemed unaware of this fact , we are waiting for an investigation into the hospital treatment he received , there are other issues involved as well , but I wanted to know if they had put him on antibiotics as soon as he had been admitted would he possibly still be with us?

I myself feel very guilty in the fact that I was not with him as I know he would have been so frightened by all of the treatment he apparently had to go through , I was always there for him if I was needed. I feel angry that I was not told a lot earlier how serious this was as this all started off at about 9.00. am , he was walking about before that. I would have been in London by about 11.30 and been with him.

I thank you for your time and sorry if this is to long a post but needed to explain fully.

Carol

#2 Gillianflutes

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Posted 05 March 2017 - 04:45 pm

So sorry and sad to read of your loss. It seems that so many of us survive Sepsis because by luck we are in the right place at the right time, or are seen by the right person. I could have easily been at home when it all went wrong but had made the decision to go to the city hospital instead of going home after being told by a village hospital they couldn't do any more for me and I could go home or go to the city.

More and more, people (medical and non-medical) are learning how to recognise Sepsis. The publicity is beginning to make an impact. It has not helped your brother but let us hope that what has been learned through his passing will help others.

Much love to you and your family. X
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#3 davegore

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 10:20 am

Carol, as easy as it is for me to say that you shouldn't feel guilty, as Gillian said above, lots of survivors, myself included can put it down to a degree of luck, the fact that my wife called the ambulance when she did, the face the a&e was empty, the fact the ambulance crew spotted the symptoms, all things like this make a difference, so as terrible it is that your brother died things can happen very quickly, as I found out.

 

Dave


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