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Sian Webb

My beautiful baby girl

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My daughter Clodagh died on 18th December 2015. She was only 9 months old, happy and healthy and doing so well. She was always happy and was already cruising desperate to keep up with her big brother.

In the week leading up to her death she was a little wheezy so I'd taken her to hospital as I was a little worried about her. They said she'd got bronchitis but assured me that she was ok and was over the worst of it so we went home. The next few days she seemed to pick up so spent Thursday morning at Nursery as usual. When I picked her up she was tired and had a good sleep as she always was after Nursery. She was also teething so had been off her food and wanting more milk but seemed quite hungry at teatime. She ate her scrambled egg and then raced around the kitchen in her little car being chased by her brother.Clodagh and William had a little play and then went to bed as usual and both settled really well leaving me to continue wrapping up their Christmas presents.

During the night William was a little monkey getting out of bed and woke Clodagh up. I gave her a feed at about 2am and then settled her back in her cot to sleep. My husband went out for a run at 5.30am and heard her breathing as normal but when I went in at 7am she was dead in the cot.

We had to wait 10 weeks for results and were told that we probably wouldn't get an answer and it would be classed as SIDS but last week we got our answer. Clodagh died of acute e coli septicemia. They found multiple microscopic abscesses in one of her kidneys that, because they were so small, were giving her no pain or discomfort so she was her usual happy self. These abscesses were the e coli that had come from her bowel. This infection then got in to her bloodstream and killed her within the hour so I'm told. She was boiling hot when I found her so I was told she had probably only just died or died in my arms.

I feel so lost without her, she was my life, I spent every minute with her as I was still breast feeding and never expressed. She spent two mornings a week at Nursery but other that that she did everything with me. I miss her so much and her brother, who is nearly 3, was so close to her it pains me to hear him say 'I want Clodagh to come back'.

I'm so glad to get a cause of death as I'd blamed myself for 10 weeks and think I would have done so forever if we'd not got an answer but it's just so tragic. You hear stories like this in the paper, you don't expect to be the ones going though it. We were so happy, we had the perfect life and thanked our lucky stars every day for our beautiful children. I don't know what we did to deserve this but I know Clodagh didn't deserve this, I love her so much.

I know I've waffled on for far too long but I just wanted people to hear my story and wondered whether anyone else had acute e coli septicemia as Clodagh did. It would be great to hear back from someone.

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I cannot stop thinking about you and how we are going through the same nightmare, I read your story and was very moved by it. It is just devastating and so tragic. They say time heals but I cannot imagine this happening and feel the same that I feel lost without Josh, our house is very empty even though we have three other children.Take care Sian xx

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Thanks Dianne,

 

I really appreciate you replying. I write these posts at the darkest times desperately hoping someone will respond. I just feel so alone and empty at times. There is a huge hole left where Clodagh was and I feel the only steps I can take is to try and rebuild my family. Hopefully a new baby in time will give us something positive for the future and a little beacon of hope.

I really hope you are managing to get through each day ok. Your story is also so tragic and I think about you a lot. It's so sad that we never got a chance to say goodbye to our loved ones but we have to be thankful at least that they didn't suffer. I know for Clodagh she never knew of any pain or suffering in the world, she lived life to the full and was happy everyday and I have to hold on to that.

Take great care Sian x

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Hi Sian

 

Do look for support from The UK Sepsis Trust if you need comfort in those dark times. Libby is  great rock and would be happy to help. She posted in another thread which I guess you would have seen. There is always someone that can help if you are ever in need

 

Wishes and regards

 

Dear Dianne and Sian,

I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your children Joshua and Clodagh. The death of your child at whatever age they are causes such devastation and emptiness, and the speed of what happened would make it all so difficult to comprehend. I should imagine you both have many unanswered questions, just trying to make sense of why and how sepsis took your children.

 

If it would help either of you to speak to a Support Advisor to talk through what happened, do just ask or email me on libby@sepsistrust.org. We do also have details of bereavement organisations who can help you through this listed in the support section of our website.

Take care,

Libby

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Hi Dianne and Sian,

Would it help if I put you two 'IN Touch' with each other via email? You could send your email addresses to me at libby@sepsistrust.org and I can organise it? No pressure - just a thought.

Libby.

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