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Jazzygirl15

feeling guilty and not coping with this at all :(

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Hi all,

 

I am struggling with my Sepsis survival at the moment. Care manager (as I'm disabled) is making me feel guilty as hell for still being here... yes I'm going through that guilt stage, which is weird and feels really stupid to me, because having sepsis horrifically scared me. My head is going through replay hell and coping with uni work not happening. I just want 'it' to go away, the memories, flashbacks, replays, the guilt to leave me alone for ONE DAY! A week would be nice but a day would be a start.

 

I am currently waiting until July 3rd to see the psychiatrist then probably through another 'hoop' and another waiting list after that and holidays in between.

 

Meanwhile, my degree is on the line because of how I'm feeling (re: struggling with survival feelings) and I'm gonna speak to my student liaison officer Monday. I just dunno how I'm gonna get through this mess (in my head) and where my degree's gonna end up from here. Friday night I sat and cried on a friend's shoulder Feel like I'm hitting the floor slowly and very frustrated

 

Anyone been where I am with these issues? What should I do, doctors? other than Anti Depressants and the waiting list for therapy after psychiatrist I am at an utter loss of how to cope with this. It's rubbish and making me feel that way too. I have a 2,500 word essay to try and get in for end of July and at the rate my heads going it just wont happen... feeling very upset

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I completely empathise with how you are feeling!

 

I had sepsis 3 years ago, I can still remember clearly how I felt during the different stages of my physical and mental recovery process.

I'm pleased to say that with the right help, you can feel better and learn how to deal with the emotions you feel at the moment! It's not "getting over" what's happened to you that I think is important, it's learning how to deal with it and put life into perspective again.

 

Cognitive behavioural therapy was my lifeline. I know not every therapy suits everyone, but I would recommend everyone to give it a go! It helped me to look at my experience differently and to cope with the different emotions I was going through. I saw a psychiatrist initially, was diagnosed with post traumatic stress and saw her for a few sessions. Her therapy really wasn't for me, which is why I seeked my own CBT. If you are willing to try anything, then you will find the right help for you.

 

It will get better and easier, not straight away, but in the not so distant future!!

 

I hope it helps to know that there is light at the end if the tunnel.

 

Anna xx

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Hi Anna, thank you for your kind reply and suggestions. Well, basically Eye movement Desensatisation and Reprocessing recently failed on NHS so referred back to psyciatrist and into Pathfinder Team, who cater for long term more severe (ie not short term suitable) psychological needs. Outpatient appt is 3rd July and hopefully from there Pathfinder team will be asked to offer me assessment instead of sitting on the referral. Im gonna make it clear that my uni degree may well give, if I dont get right help soon. Its useful to have this network as an outlet. xx

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Hi, Sorry life is so difficult for you at the moment.

Could you explore getting an extension/postponement for your essay/degree and

then tackle it when you are feeling better. Take some of the pressure off?

 

Feelings of guilt, shame, anger, upset all seem to be part of the getting better process.

 

As a sepsis survivor I can empathise with how you are feeling. I personally found NLP (neuro linguistic programming) helpful and in time was able to reframe what had happened to me.

 

Another big lesson for me was to be kind to myself - sounds a cliché, I know, but if you had a good friend who had gone through

what you have gone through think about what you would be saying to her and try and show that kindness and gentleness to yourself.

I agree with Anna - it's not something you "get over", as such but in time you will be able to move forward and the fears will go away.

I hope your appointment is helpful, you get the support you need and can reassure you that in time you will start to make progress

Julie x

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I was in ICU for 8 weeks with sepsis amongst a host of other things....this was 5 years ago. Am I over it? No, but it gets easier. It took 12 months for me to realise I had PTSD and it nearly ripped my family apart. It's not easy but recognising the symptoms and the guilt is a good step. I had EMDR and that worked well for me.

Keep taking to people you can trust... use your university's counselling services.... it all helps- do not bottle it up!

Another thing I use to fight off my blackest moments and flashbacks is exercise...not knowing your disability, if there is anything you can get involved in...swimming...anything- give it a go.

It's easy to say don't beat yourself up over it..but you still will... I still do...the guilt is there and I hate it.

Keep taking and keep surviving

Phil x

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